It's raining tonight. I watch it fall by the light of the back porch, as steady as a heartbeat, as constant as breathing. I can hear the drip and spatter of drops hitting concrete steps and the sound mixes with Natalie's coughing. Cough cough cough. The sound drives me crazy. I can't make it better.
There are a lot of things I can't make better in this life of mine. I can't fix this heartache or this fractured family. I can't fix this love that never sticks. I try to fight and change things and not go down without resistance but on nights like this it doesn't matter. I want to curl up in my wounded state and heal in silence and quiet. Just a little time to heal. Maybe then I could gather up my strength again and fight my way free.