A few of my favorite things

The smell of coffee grounds, so rich and fragrant and comforting
The bird singing in the backyard. Its song was a sound of pure perfection.
My clean gutters.
The world after a rain. It appears washed and full of new scents and fresh energy.

This again

It's come down to this: frantic web searches on trips to Scotland at a quarter to midnight and this pile of things in the middle of the living room floor.
Hats and shirts and battery chargers and a coffee mug. All these odd collected bits that seep into your life from someone else's and that you didn't really know were there until you had to get rid of the memories.
This loneliness is so bitter and powerful. It devastates me. And when you are in a relationship that leaves you lonely, surely it must be time to gather the memories and shed them.
I just don't know how I'll survive with my soul intact. This ending of relationships is not for me. I wanted a bond, a connection of our two lives into one family. Instead, I have this. A house with dark windows. A bed that is empty.
I spent three years waiting and hoping and those three years simply left me older and emptier.
I have to believe that maybe I can still have happiness, that it's not too late.

simplicity

This moment is nice.
The Christmas tree is brightly lit in the corner, my music is playing and I'm snuggled on the couch with a good book (Edgar Sawtelle).
I have kitchen chairs now too! After living in this house for three months it is wonderful to have something to sit on. Mom and dad came over and brought the chairs and hung my pictures on the walls. We also discovered a leak in the ceiling because the gutters are too full. If only I had a ladder.....
Today was really good, if ordinary. I enjoyed the simple routine of washing the dishes in the sink and doing laundry and reading books to Nat and spending time with family. I feel rested and ready to face work tomorrow with new zest!

Book Club

Books are things I could not imagine my life without. They are food for my soul, inspiration for my spirit, fuel for my imagination.
I am a total nerd and think a good book is the perfect companion.
Recently I wrote out a list of goals and on that goal list I put that I wanted to read a Ron Rash book. Ron Rash is an author who is a native of my area. He writes Appalachian/Southern type stories and I've been wanting to read his books since I wrote a short profile on him for work.
A couple of weeks ago, a coworker brought his latest book, Serena, to work and offered to let me read it.
It was good. I like the way he captures the speech and mannerisms and spirit of the Southern culture. And, though I found the main character, Serena, to be dispicable, I admired her too. She is so cool, so calm, so sure of herself. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be free from emotions that cause me so much pain and heartache in my own life. I want just a little of her strength and self-sufficiency and acceptance for the way things are.

What is a book that you have read and enjoyed lately?

As long as I'm living....

Nat was loud tonight. She yelled NO when I came in after work and kissed her cheek.
She ran from me and made growling noises. She was obstinate and put up a fight when I changed her diaper and put on her pajamas. She challenged me about everything.

Now, she is in bed, singing to herself little tuneless songs and talking in the dark.
When I carried her to bed she wrapped her little arms around my neck, and for a moment, gave me a hug.
She is so wild. So difficult. So sweet.

And now she is crying. mooommmyyyy!!

I'm having a hard time tonight.
But the world is having a hard time tonight. There are famines and wars and deaths.
But there are good things too.
I need to remember those now so I don't become swamped by these bad feelings.
The sun rose this morning. I made it through this day. Nat hugged me tonight and rested her head, briefly, on my shoulder.
I'm able to take care of us.
All is ok.